Bernie Returns
by LoveAffairWithMisery
Summary: The title say's it all really


Serena walked towards Pulses, head down against the cold wind and rain, looking at the floor, trying to ignore the stares and gossiping voices that surrounded her. They seemed louder today, reignited. Maybe she was just feeling more vulnerable than normal, she had, after all, not been sleeping well and she hadn't yet had her much needed morning caffeine fix.

Looking up as she neared the café's entrance, she stopped in her tracks. Blonde curls. Beautiful, messy, perfect blonde curls stood at the counter receiving a coffee. Serena turned as quickly as she could and ran into the lift, just as its doors were closing. A large breath that she hadn't realized she'd been holding left her lips, and her eyes closed against a sudden headache. Bernie. Bernie Wolfe was back and she hadn't been told. Not by Bernie, not by Hanssen, not by Ric, the current acting CEO. Had she purposefully not been told? Did anyone know she _was_ back? Why now? Why had she come back at all? She hadn't replied to Serena's email, or her numerous texts, so she obviously didn't care about the hospital or her.

The lift doors pinged and she stepped out into the busy hustle of AAU, heading straight to her office.

"I have a mountain of paperwork to get through, Raf, so please _don't_ disturb me unless we have a major incident that requires my attention." Raf looked slightly confused and concerned at her apparently flustered state but knew better than to ask her about it immediately. Locking the door behind her and closing all of the blinds, she shrugged off her coat and slumped into her chair, taking a sip of coffee and staring at the empty desk opposite her.

"Come in." It was an unexpected voice that responded to Bernie's knock. Tentatively she opened the door, stepping inside slowly with a hundred questions on her face.

"Ric…What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too Ms. Wolfe."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little confused. Where's Mr. Hanssen?"

"He had to leave. I assumed he would have told you." Ric replied, a smirk playing on his lips.

"No, he didn't. Although I did find it strange when he didn't respond to my email. Are you not expecting me?"

"He forwarded it on to me. Sorry I didn't reply, it's been a little busy here as of late and the short notice was… well… short."

"If it's a problem…" Bernie started, turning slightly and gesturing towards the door.

"No, not at all. I'm sure we can fit you in on the rota. You have your Trauma Unit to concentrate on anyway."

"Yes, I do. How has it been? Still standing?" She tried to joke but noticed the serious look cross Ric's features.

"The Trauma unit has been fine…" Bernie looked to her feet, very aware of where this conversation was headed. "Serena on the other hand…" Ric trailed off, looking at her with a sternness that made her feel like a child that had been called into the headmaster's office.

"I know, that I have a lot of explaining to do. It can't have been easy for her, having to run the ward, and the Trauma Unit, not to mention Jason…"

Ric narrowed his eyes, unsure of what exactly Bernie knew about Serena's feelings. Not wanting to stir things up more than they already were, and wanting to give Serena the chance to talk to Bernie about it herself, he simply suggested to Bernie that she head down to the ward straight away.

She walked down the familiar corridors, noting how everything was exactly the same as when she had left six weeks ago. What did she expect though? She was a small cog in this complex, busy machine and her presence really wasn't all that important. However, she felt eyes upon her back, sniggers surrounding her and slowing footsteps as she walked past nurses, porters and doctors. Maybe it was just because no one knew she was coming back. She had, after all, only sent her email to Hanssen two days ago when she had returned from Kiev and decided that she needed her Trauma Unit. She daren't even think about Serena and the mess that she had left behind her. Over the six weeks she had tried her best to forget what had happened, move on and wait to see if Serena wanted her. The email had left her confused. She was tired of being angry and had asked her to come back. That was a good thing, right? But the last line was 'The hospital needs you'. Purely professional. Serena didn't want her back for her. She had put the arrival of the last text down to too much Shiraz, thinking of how Serena had told her how Edward used to 'get all maudlin' after he'd had too much whiskey. The three words "I MISS YOU" written in capital letters seemed so out of character and there hadn't been any further texts from that point so she had concluded that it was a drunken mistake that Serena regretted.

But after a few days trying to move on, she realised that she couldn't stop wondering if maybe she meant it. Not one day had gone by when her former colleague hadn't wound her way into Bernie's thoughts, whether it be when she was bored of paperwork and in need of coffee and a chat, or alone at home with nothing but her own thoughts and a bottle of Shiraz. Eventually, the nagging feeling in the back of her mind had gotten the better of her and she'd told the CEO of the hospital the next day that she was needed back at Holby and would be returning the following day.

20 minutes had passed and Serena hadn't opened a single patient file. She had managed to pick up a pen but had immediately started to absentmindedly roll it between her fingers as she stared across her office. She just couldn't work out what to do. She would have to talk to Bernie at some point, they were co-leads after all and they couldn't let their personal mess affect their work. She couldn't ignore her feelings and pretend that nothing had happened, and that nothing existed between them. But she also didn't want to talk to her and let her emotions get the better of her, make things worse.

She groaned out loud and threw the pen onto the desk, burying her face in her hands. Hiding in her office wasn't going to help but she really didn't want to have to deal with the gossip and the stares. She also couldn't handle risking a public showdown or waterfall of emotions when Bernie eventually stepped onto the ward. It was going to go either of the two ways and the embarrassment of displaying that to the ward _again_ would be too much to shake off. Taking a deep breath, she stood up and pushed her shoulders back, exhaling in a huff. She could at least put up a strong façade, even if inside she was a bundle of nerves. Strong, confident steps took her to the door and she determinedly unlocked the door, pushing down on the handle and pulling the door open.

She opened the door and immediately walked into a body, hands coming up to grip at her arms and hold her upright. Looking up slightly, she got lost in big brown eyes, drawn in by wide, pink lips. Serena averted her gaze, cleared her throat and took a step backwards. Bernie's hands dropped down to her sides and she looked at her feet. In the brief seconds that their eyes had met she had seen so much pain, so much shock, and she could have sworn there was a slight quiver of Serena's chin.

"Hi." It sounded pathetic. After everything that she had put Serena through, the best thing that she could think of to say was 'hi'.

"Bern… Ms. Wolfe." Serena tried to compose herself before looking directly at the woman in front of her. "I, um, I have ward rounds to do." She squeezed past her and headed straight to the first patient, picking up Raf on her way. She knew that he wouldn't be daft enough to talk to her about Bernie when her face looked as it did. Like steel. Hard, determined, trying to give nothing away.

Bernie turned to watch Serena walk away, pain creeping into her own eyes at how cold Serena had been. Her lack of response to the email and text had obviously hurt her, and although she was supposedly tired of being angry, that was surely not just going to disappear. She couldn't have expected her to open her arms for her and forget everything that had happened. She was the self-professed bearer of life-long, take-it-to-the-grave grudges after all. Sighing heavily, she took off her coat, dumped her bag and went to change into her trauma scrubs. This was going to be a long and difficult day.

A complication in theatre on Keller meant that Bernie was pulled away, leaving Serena to run the ward and Trauma unit. Luckily for her, it wasn't particularly busy so there was no desperate need for Bernie to return, but there were enough patients to keep her mind occupied. The end of her shift was fast approaching so she took some time to finish some paperwork before she headed home. The last thing she needed was to be taking work home with her when she had a bottle of Shiraz waiting for her.

With one file left to complete, the door to her office opened and Bernie stepped inside. Looking up long enough only to see who it was, Serena looked back down to her paperwork. She could have forgotten that her colleague was back if it hadn't been for her coat and the whispers that had followed her around all day. Raf had been too busy himself to speak to her about how she was coping and she had avoided anyone else who tried to broach the subject. Unable now to concentrate, she simply looked at the lines on the page.

Bernie hesitated in the doorway before moving to sit at her desk, warily watching Serena. The silence was deafening, but neither woman knew what to say. For Bernie, no words could express how sorry she was for running away from Serena, and she knew that she had to tread carefully so as not to upset her further. For Serena, how could she possibly begin to explain how she felt? She had reached out to Bernie with no response, leaving her to believe that she had decided she didn't want her. There were so many emotions that she was feeling: hurt, confusion, anger, relief… love…

"Bernie… I, um…" She looked up at the same time as Bernie did, their eyes meeting from across the desk. Bernie could see that she was conflicted, but there was something in her tone that made her stand up and move to one of the chairs by the side of Serena's desk. So much had happened between them when she had sat in those chairs. The arm wrestle, the truce they had called and the subsequent massage, the chat after they had last kissed when Bernie had seen a glimmer of want and need in Serena's eyes when she asked what would make her feel better.

Serena leant back in her chair and looked as Bernie sat playing with her fingers on her lap. "Why did you come back? Why now? Six weeks of radio silence and then…"

"Serena, I'm so sorry," Serena lowered her head to watch her own hands. "I was scared; I didn't know what to do. I left to try and save you from the hurt I cause, but it seems I only made that worse. I got your email, and I'm sorry I didn't reply, but I was so confused. I thought you wanted to give us a go and then you said the hospital needed me. I spent days trying to work out what that meant and I didn't want to come back if you I would only make you uncomfortable. I knew that I couldn't be here and not want you." At this, Serena looked at Bernie, catching and holding her eyes. She knew that Bernie was terrible at expressing her feelings, so hearing those words was magical. She moved to the chair next to Bernie, but angling her body to face her.

"Then why did you go in the first place? I didn't need time. I told you that I didn't want you to go and I meant it. I thought you knew. I mean, I kissed you back the first time, and I kissed you again… But then I said that thing, about… uh, love… and maybe it was too soon, too fast…" She was aware that she was babbling but she just didn't know how to say what she needed to say. Really, she didn't even know what it was that she wanted to say at all. "I sent you that email because I wanted you to come back. I thought that if I wrote the truth, it would scare you away for good and I…I couldn't handle that."

Tentatively reaching across, Bernie took Serena's right hand in both of her own, caressing her knuckles. They both watched the simple but loving gesture for a while, admiring the feel of each other's skin. Serena moved her gaze to study Bernie's face. Her eyes looked more tired than normal, maybe from the stress of the day and the emotional outpour that they had just had. Her large brown eyes were so deep, they must have seen so much loss and hurt. Her lips showed traces of a smile, as though she was content in just sitting there. Even in the smile though, there was sadness. Serena wanted nothing more than to take it away, for she had missed her beaming smile and the way that her eyes lit up, her loud laugh and her little smirk. Bernie looked up to meet Serena's gaze, feeling her studying her face. Simultaneously, they leant into each other, eyes closing as their lips met.

The kiss in theatre had been so sudden and unexpected that it had felt desperate, clinging on to each other as they tried to forget about the day's events. The second kiss was passionate, full of Serena begging her not to leave, trying to convey her feelings through her lips. This kiss was soft, each pair of lips memorising the other. Bernie released Serena's hands to hold the back of her neck, stroking small circles into her skin and holding her close. Serena's arms moved to Bernie's back, feeling the muscle that lay hidden beneath her thin shirt. Her lips were warm and gentle, and made her wonder how she had ever enjoyed kissing Edward with his stubble and coarse skin. Kissing Bernie was the most beautiful feeling in the world, and she never wanted to stop. Bernie didn't seem to want to stop either as she continued to take Serena's top lip with her own, whilst moving her hand around to rest against her cheek. She placed a small peck against her lips before pulling away only enough that she could rest their foreheads together, noses brushing against each other. Both women smiled as they looked into each other's eyes, happy in just being so close and able to hold the other.

"I missed you too, by the way." Bernie whispered softly, eyes flickering between Serena's and her lips, taking in the delicacy of her features. Serena pulled back a bit more, frowning in confusion. "Your text? You said you missed me." She continued.

Serena had drafted out so many texts to Bernie but she had never sent the ones that perhaps needed to be sent. Please come back, I need you, I still want you, I miss you, I love you; all drafted out and then deleted. She was sure she hadn't sent one by mistake…

"Did you not…?"

"I wrote so many texts and emails to you Bernie, but I never sent them. How could I? I didn't know how you felt and I didn't want to scare you away. The ones I did send brought nothing but more silence." The pain was evident in her voice and she noticed Bernie's face crumple slightly in a grimace. She stood up and walked to her coat, reaching into her pocket and taking out her phone. Serena suddenly felt cold, without Bernie so close to her. She watched her slight but strong figure from across the room, admiring the way her shirt clung to her and her jeans accentuated how long and toned her legs were. Bernie returned to Serena's side and sat down, giving her the phone.

On the screen was the record of their text messages, the latest being three separate ones from Serena. The first two she recognised, upon seeing them she was taken back to the time when she sent them, and the hurt that she had felt when she hadn't received a reply. She had spent hours checking her phone and trying to work out whether they had actually been sent, waiting for the reply that would never come. The last text that she recognised had been sent at almost midnight on bonfire night, when she had been sat in the lounge with a glass of Shiraz when a particularly loud firework had made her jump. She had wondered in that moment whether Bernie suffered from PTSD, and how she would react to the fireworks that sounded so much like gunfire. Out of this concern, she had tapped out the message, not bothering to try and keep it in line with the professional tone she had adopted in the previous. She had spent almost 15 minutes typing and deleting then re-adding the kiss at the end before biting the bullet and keeping it.

The last text was simple. I MISS YOU.

"As much as I would have liked to have sent that to you, I didn't. Believe me, I almost did…" She shook her head, eyes still on the message.

"Then who…?"

Suddenly, realisation dawned on Serena. "Jason took my phone last week. He wanted to show Robbie some photographs from our last trip. He must have sent it then, and deleted it from my phone so that I wouldn't know he'd sent it." Bernie cocked her head at the mention of Robbie. "Robbie, he um… my ex. We had a…a thing, one night, I was drunk, it was a mistake. I was missing you and when I thought that you weren't coming back, I considered trying to make things work with him. Then he told me about the lump, and how he wanted to make a go of things, move in with me." She spoke fast, the words tumbling out in a rush, wanting Bernie to know the truth so that it didn't hurt her further down the line. She looked up from where she had been watching her fiddling hands, wanting to gage Bernie's reaction to what she was about to say. She lifted Bernie's chin with her finger, forcing her to look her in the eyes. "But I knew that I didn't love him. Well I did, but I wasn't in love with him. I'm not in love with him, because I'm in love with someone else." Bernie's jaw clenched and her eyes filled with tears, lowering in defeat. "You, you fool." Serena said with a soft smile, watching as Bernie's eyes snapped up and tears began to overflow and run down her cheeks. She moved her finger from underneath her chin to wipe the tears away with her thumb and continuing to stroke the skin there. "I love you, Berenice Wolfe. I'm in love with you and I want to be with you, I need to be with you. If you still want me that is."

Bernie just let out a laugh of air before taking Serena's lips with her own again, conveying her feelings through the kisses. "Of course I want you, Serena Campbell. How could I not want you? You are the most beautiful, courageous woman that I have ever known, and I…I love you too."

The relief and delight on both women's faces was evident as they leant in for a last kiss. "Now, Ms Wolfe, I believe you owe me dinner."


End file.
